I have been married 14 years and have three younger children. I have tried marriage counseling, he moved out, he is moving back in and I am through with trying to fix this. We just can't seem to make it work. I have decided to put my emotions on the back burner and be a happy wife and mother for my kids. I can play the role...I do it well. Our latest problem is that he is texting his new female co worker for an hour at a time every day or so. He was angry I looked at our cell bill and then asked him about it. Our counselor said I should meet this woman (she is also married) so I know who she is and is comfortable with their friendship. I have asked him to set up a time we can all go out and he said he mentioned it to her and she didn't seem responsive so he just said "eh" about it. I don't want to seem pushy or intrusive as that just makes matters worse. I want to meet her but how do I bring it back up without sounding like I am accusing him of anything. Help!
99% of My Friends are Female. And My marriage is fine after 17 Years.
As Long as You have faith in your Husband and Trust him You have nothing to Worry about.
And if You Dont Trust him or have Faith in your marriage then Why are you Wasting your Time in your Relationship?
Either you Trust him Or You Dont its That Simple.
I think that you should remind him that you are his wife. You have a right to know everything about that relationship and he shouldn't be texting another woman. There is no reason for him to do that and if there is a reason then he needs to show you all the texts. You are his wife and he needs to treat you as such.
it seems u already had your walking papers, and u put them on the back burner for your kids. if u don't want to work things out with him. why are u waiting to see what he is doing? be selfish.and do what makes u happy. staying together for your kids is not the solution. do what is best for u. i wish u all the best
you have to move on with your life for your kid's sake. Obviously you have some trust issues with this guy. I think you'd be better off without this guy. It sounds like you have enough problems without him. Good luck whatever you decide to do
he's not respecting you. if she doesn't want to meet you and he isn't showing you all the texts and inviting you to get together then they are both hiding SOMETHING... use the walking papers.
Your husband is texting a girl for a hour...and you dont want to seem pushy.....he left...do you really think he has been faithful since he has been gone? If you can deal with this..the just play the role hunny
Sometimes..when you win..you lose..sometimes..when you lose..you win.
Do you think it would only stay as texting? Would you be comfortable with the friendship? Aren't you always going to wonder if something more is happening? WOW! How can people live like this?
I hear you on this one, but if she doesn't want to meet you, I would be a little wary. Sounds to me like there may be something going on. Ask him to ask her again or meet him at his job for lunch
See, I think that is just wrong. Expecially (if he did ask) that she wouldn't want to meet you. Women are very sneaky. And as I am learning a few things in my own relationship, life is to short. To short to waste on someone that would think that it is morally ok to have a relationship of sorts with the other sex. I have children too, and I think they would rather see me happy and be taught not to stand for things that are disrespectful to them by their spouse. They are other people out there to love and will love us......Or even being happy on our own and taking them for everything you can.......Sorry I am not more positive.
Sorry to say but it sounds like you may have had your walking papers along time ago or you would not be doubting what is going on at hand, and please do not use your kids as a excuse because if that was the case then he would not be making your vision blurred at this moment tripping off some nonsense if it was all for the kids, The kids no what is going on and said to say it sounds like you the last one finding out, Love you and make it work with you becasue after 14yrs it seems like you giving all the love cause you should be at a such a hppy point in your life then to let this get you bothered do what you should have done along time ago and stop saying but the kids yes you love him cause love just dont disappear and yes you are used to living your life with him becasue it has been comfortable, but try being uncomfortable for awhile and you may find happiness and a state of being
Love him for what he is , not what he is not .
Flaws and all . If he enjoys that women , then accept it as a form of entertainment for him or release him and start over .
If he leaves and your at home with your principals ,
will you be happy then ?
You said you love him . So continue to love him and
see if you can bring some clarity to your marriage
by being yourself .
Have you seen a transcript on the messages. What are they texting about for an hour. I'm suspicious. I would ask him what they talk about and even to see the messages. You are married to him and he should be trying to please you and nurture a relationship with you - not this other woman. If you asked him, would he admit to cheating or would he lie? Has he cheated in the past?
Just remind him of the counselors recommendation and give him the times that you are available within a two week period. I would let him know that either he set up a time within a week for the 4 of you to meet - that woman is married also - or you will be contacting her yourself. You don't know if this is a case of him forgetting or him avoiding.
He is texting her for an hour everyday and your phone bill is high. What reason do you want to see her ? To know her and comfortable with their" friendship"?. I am glad I am not you,because I will check what 's going on between her and my husband if something is going on. Boy oh boy!! I will go to their work place and "her" give a show down, . I've seen married women at my work place ,having an affair with other married men, so I know these stories.
Even if you don't want to admit that you might be a little jealous it sounds like you are still very much in love with him. So just bring it up again and say exactly what you told all of us. Let him know you want to be a supportive wife and that's why you want to meet her if he still shrugs it off he is not respecting you. And that probably means that he has some kind of feelings for this other woman. If it is just a friend he should love to introduce you so you are comfortable. Same as you would do for him probably.
you sound like someone who is tired of fighting for your marriage because no matter what you do, it is a no-win situation for you. I think it's kind of funny that when guys have guy friends you almost can't get rid of them...but as soon as they get a "woman"-friend than the wife is off limits to her. There isn't anyone here that can "tell" you what to do all we can do is say that whatever you decide on just make sure that your kids don't have to be a part of his emotional abuse toward you. If she is not in agreement to meeting you then she is up to something and even if you did meet her then you would always resent her and know that she was lying to you. If she has nothing to hide then she would love to meet you.
Good luck to you in whatever you decide. Personally I would rather be raising my kids alone.
My husband did very much the same thing. I saw it still as cheating and an emotional affair, I couldn't understand why he wanted to talk to her so much (only it was one of my friends) But I stayed. 12 months on we still have problems beause of it so you need to be really ready to accept it and focus on your relationship or use your walking papers and move on. Either way it's tough, but you will have to weigh up the end result.
I f he is not cheating, he should have no problems introducing her to you. i personally smell a rat. texting for an hour? come on! that is what you do when u are in the infatuation stage of an relationship. You asked for opinions and this is what I have. I truly think you are in denial right now. Love will do that! you see and hear what you want to see and hear. All the negative signs we just justify, rationalize or just ignore. bring it up! It is interfering with your peace! Your feelings are important too!
I think it is a really bad idea to meet this woman. If they are texting each other and you have suspicions about their relationship, you have a right to be. If your husband was really just friends with her then the texting would not be necessary.
Not for that long anyway. That is what you do with someone when you are strting out in a relationship. I have been in this siutation, and for me the best thing to do is to take a sabatical. Give eachother time. This situation is affecting your kids too. They are very perceptive to these types of stresses and act out accordingly.
It is great that you love your husband and give him the benefit of the doubt, but what about you? How would he react if the tables were turned?
Have a break from each other, get couples counselling if need be, and then after a month or so reevaluate the situation,becaseu there are 5 people in you family invovled. not just the two of you. Good Luck
I suppose there are a couple of things you can do, you know were she works,so if you really think that talking to her will ease your mind then ambush her at her work, wait for her to come out, or if you know were she goes for lunch, just join her at the table
Two arrange to meet her husband anonymously and strike up a friendship with him,or with an other man,some time people do not understand, till they are put in the same situation,he may not be cheating, but taxing every day shows more then just a friendship,if it is just that, then there is no reason why you cannot all get together for coffee or lunch, were it would be all above board and suspicion.
It sound like your husband is willing,but she is not ,that makes me think that on her side it is not all about friendship, and may be, your husband is not aware,he may even be at the stage were he is flattered by another woman attention,fight fire with fire, you said you still love him, so make it your project to get him back by giving him a lot of attention and love,good luck
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