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amayseng
S How do i reconcile?
i am meeting my wife tonight to talk about the marriage. we have been separated for 10 weeks with no progress, no moving forward, at times we both want to , and at times we are hesitant to try. i have been willing to try, she seems she wants me to put in all the effort without her giving any...asking me for more, but then not allowing me to give her more, just as in the marriage. we separated originally because i asked her to leave, she told me for months i was not in her heart, she couldnt be intimate with me and i tried for three months to work things out...she declined and wouldnt budge, telling me she hated her life and was unhappy ...therefore i told her to leave....any suggestions???
You weren't worng for tellign her to leave. A marriage is about TWO people worknig things not one person giving there all and teh other person just giving...well, nothing. I am in the exact same predicament but slightly less obvious. I feel like my husband doesn't care or wants to try. In turn I don't care and don't feel like trying anymore. You are a good man and husband for giving it your all but she needs to realize the grass is not greener on the other side. You can't make someone love you. If we could, life would be so happy and easy. But that isn't the case. Let her go and let her be. Yuo can only try so hard before she decides to stay for pity and you don't want that. You want her to want and love you. If the lvoe is still there shew ill but if its not, only tiem will tell. Let her go and try to distance your self. What maybe trying for you is pity for her. Don't fall into a trap where you will be twice as unhappy before she left the first time.Good luck. find someone with vows as faith liek yours.
Time for you both to move on. You can't fill a cup that has a hole in the bottom and if she is that distant and unhappy it is time to let go.
Certified Christian counseling (found in the phone book or at a church building). Go alone if she won't go. You are hurting and need help.
Uuuuuggghhh, slams forehead on desk.................................eve... goes black. Thank goodness.
sounds like shes just done some times its just over. A relationship only works when two people put in an effort otherwise its stalking
From my personal experience when those feelings are no longer there the marriage is over. It is SO hard to get back those feelings once they are lost. If you have been seperated for 10 weeks and no one is trying to do anything then I think that is a sign. If your wife hates her life then why would you want her to continue living that life? It is very hard for her right now because she is telling you her feelings but knows how hard it is on you and that is why she has not "left" yet.
What i would do if I were you is this. I would ask her that you know what you want and now you need her to tell you what she wants to see if you both want the same thing and then you can work it out.
When a real woman is told to leave her home by her husband, believe me, she is not going to return especially if she's unhappy. She is in need of the comfort of a man. When you made her leave that pushed her further away from you. You should have been seeking help while she was still in the home. With you making her leave gave her the opportunity to find love somewhere else. You need to sit down and ask yourself was she really the one for you. Sometimes we marry a person for the wrong reasons. Remember, we are only with certain people for a season but we tend to try to make it a lifetime with them. It's just not going to work. If she is willing to meet with you try to talk without arguing. Arguing will only add fuel to the fire. Be sincere in all that you say to her. If she need to say something, let her say it because if you don't let her get any words in she is going to feel that she met with you for nothing. It's obvious that she had something serious on her mind for her to be so unhappy with her life and you. Whatever you done to her or whatever you wasn't doing to her needs to be addressed. You two need to communicate more than what you were doing in order for this marriage to work. You need more time for each other, more communication, and much more showing of love, if there is true love there. These things are important for a successful marriage. If you can't have these things with each other then your marriage is useless.
She's not in love with you and no matter what you do, you can't make her happy. It's not your fault nor is it hers. She just doesn't love you the way a wife should love her husband. Time to let go.
First you have to understand why she is so distant. Is she seeing someone else? Try marriage counseling.
Yes! If you haven't tried marriage counseling please do that or go to a church and talk with someone there. Something is definately going on with your wife emotionally and you need to get to the bottiom of it. If you love her be patient and understanding because you don't know what her real issues are here and she may be afraid to tell you? You did not say how old your wife was? She could have some sort of embalance going on in her body that she is not even aware of? She hates her life for a reason real or imagined and you need to find out more in detail about something from her past possibly that she could be ashamed of? Tell her to come back home and work this out with the both of you together and don't tell her to leave unless you mean it for good! If she still claims that she loves you over all of this then it may be something mental and she could maybe need some medication and someone she can trust to talk with untill she can be honest with you. Find out why all of a sudden she does not have you in her heart ......did she possibly get into an affair with someone and is confused over someone else? I hope that I am wrong here but you have to look at every avenue and remember back when everything began to change for her. You have to get her to open up to find out the real truth about things because without knowledge you can't fix it! You stated that at times she wants to get back with you then draws back.....she sounds afraid of something here like she wants you to put forth all the effort as if this will prove something to her about you? Honestly I would call a therapist and if you already have seen one and it hasn't worked ..try another one. From there you will be able to make a final decision about your marriage. best of luck to you and take care.
you kicked out your wife ??
damn thats cold
hey maybe she didnt want to be intamate bcuz you were "pressuring" her for sex
is that the case?
cuz if it is you may as well pack up your balls and look elsewhere
the one thing women hate most is a man thinking they should give them sex yto show love , marrie d or no
and can also lead to her not loving you anymore
im sure there are other issues to work on
but if YOU WANT THIS TO WORK
you go meet her tonight
and LISTEN to what she has to say
you arent going to like whaty she has to say
but if you are going to make this work
thats the way its going to have to be
you are going to have to change
thats just the waY IT IS AND ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT !
yes, flat out ask her if she wants to try or if she thinks she can not reconcile.
if she "hated her life" then i suppose she's finished, but there is no sense beating around the bush... you can't wait patiently forever.
take care of YOU.
i think u were wrong for telling her to leave and now u want to try to work things out with her? well you should apologize to her and try to prove to her that u can make things better in her life.
You are going to have to realize one of the two of you is going to initially start the renewing process I am going to give you the name of two books that changed my marriage so drastically they are Love and Respect and Cracking the communication code both by Emmerson Eggrich you can buy the cd's online at loveandrespect.com. You can have a happy marriage and you can make her fall in love with you again!! Oh and once you give effort for awhile she will start to unknowingly give effort as well so give it some time.
when a women is feed up nothing you can do or say can change her mind maybe you guys need to get a LEGAl divorce and move on
Counseling may help. Some problems need an impartial third party.
Unfortunately, if she doesn't love you and doesn't want to try to work with you to save the marriage, there isn't much you can do. When you talk to her tonight, tell her you want the marriage to work, but that BOTH of you have to do it.
I wish you luck.
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